He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
