You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
