My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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