Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
