ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
