I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
No...this little piggys going to the bar
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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