both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
