I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
