i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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