You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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