He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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