i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Dicks are not precious.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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