Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
