Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
