And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
