my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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