I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize