I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
