A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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