Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
