His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
