youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
