I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
