I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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