she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
