Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It's never too late to be topless.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
