Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Randomize
