im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
