May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
