and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
