Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize