im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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