My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
