what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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