there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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