He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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