Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
