i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
