just come out here and I will go home with you...
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
