i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
you never un-have a 4some
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
