If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
