can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
