Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
