you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
