I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
