my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
