Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
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