How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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