Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
