Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
