yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
