dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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