I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
