My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
