I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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