Life is so much better after having sex.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
