I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize