So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
