the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
