i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
