i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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