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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
