what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
