Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
