This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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