If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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