so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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