I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
