i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
