Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
